The True Mirror

WhaleSong~ · Dragoon Joined: 22 Nov 2008 Posts: 1101 Location: Oxford

Alright alright, jeez...way to kick a girl again and again Crying or Very sad

I'll sugar-coat things for you next time. Life is easier that way. Sorry for pissing you off, Blacklisted. Didn't expect me to come to blows with you. And Lancer! I'll pretend to like your poetry from now on, kay'? My opinion is obviously not wanted.

Glad we put this behind us Rolling Eyes

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Hyaru · Oldie Joined: 09 Nov 2008 Posts: 758 Location: Canada :P

I hope everyone's on better terms, poetry was never meant to start a fight between people.
Hyaru doesn't like her friends arguing with each other. =(
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blacklisted · Posted: Tue Jun 23, 2009 8:02 pm Post subject:

For making poetry into a war, I apologize and though we don't agree on this, I hope we can all put this aside outside this topic and just have fun on TTM.

Because that's what the forum is for: Having fun or else. D:<
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FATALITY

Seraphim swordmaster's series, tales of the ocean, watch it.....NOW:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=1-00k-M1m6g

Proof that the burger king is EVIL: http://i73.photobucket.com/albums/i230/skoralee/te1.jpg?t=1189556986

Needs moar Marce

Cudpug · Posted: Tue Jun 23, 2009 8:08 pm Post subject:

platypus · Posted: Wed Jun 24, 2009 3:41 am Post subject:

blacklisted · Posted: Wed Jun 24, 2009 4:44 am Post subject:

No matter how many times you kick someone, if they don't get it, they won't get it. So we might as well just save the leg effort and get on with our merry way.
_________________
FATALITY

Seraphim swordmaster's series, tales of the ocean, watch it.....NOW:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=1-00k-M1m6g

Proof that the burger king is EVIL: http://i73.photobucket.com/albums/i230/skoralee/te1.jpg?t=1189556986

Needs moar Marce

Sgt. Joe · Posted: Wed Jun 24, 2009 5:38 pm Post subject:

blacklisted · Posted: Wed Jun 24, 2009 6:25 pm Post subject:

Awwww, needs moar nailbats and possibly some Vice_Trunade beating :D

And now I'll probably stick in my crticism of Lancer's poetry. Though I find the message pretty deep, it is not without its flaws. The story and message is clear, and can be interpreted lots of ways. I think what caused the main confusion would be the emotions in the poem.

I'm not sure if this was what WhaleSong was trying to get at, though put in the wrong way, it's not the message that's unclear: It's how to feel about it. Lots of poetry usually involves some story or theme being carried on so in the end, we feel set emotions. To me, and probably just me, there's a mix of emotions in the end which leaves me confused at the end. "Should I be happy? Should I feel sad? etc" And I think that's why the message is unclear at the end, because we don't know how to feel about it.

That's just my two cents. I still think the poem is good in terms on conveying a story and a message and expressing yourself.
_________________
FATALITY

Seraphim swordmaster's series, tales of the ocean, watch it.....NOW:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=1-00k-M1m6g

Proof that the burger king is EVIL: http://i73.photobucket.com/albums/i230/skoralee/te1.jpg?t=1189556986

Needs moar Marce

Lancer · Posted: Thu Jun 25, 2009 8:30 am Post subject:

That is fair criticism blacklisted and I appreciate it Smile

In regards it is totally up to the audience to take in how they feel. I was aiming for a poem that raised more questions than it did answers. For my poetry If I can get people talking (for the right reasons) then I'll consider it
a job well done, however, in my further poetry I will try and give a more emotionaly clear ending if everyone thinks that would be better Smile

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My words will be engraved onto your immortal soul!!!

Dimmimar · Posted: Thu Jun 25, 2009 10:10 pm Post subject:

Lancer · Posted: Fri Jun 26, 2009 8:20 am Post subject:

What we want and what we get are two very differrent things (compare the meerkat.com lols Smile

I mean dimmiar you could always right your own Razz

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My words will be engraved onto your immortal soul!!!

Cudpug · Posted: Fri Jun 26, 2009 5:01 pm Post subject:

platypus · Posted: Fri Jun 26, 2009 11:10 pm Post subject:

WhaleSong~ · Dragoon Joined: 22 Nov 2008 Posts: 1101 Location: Oxford

Would you expect anything less? Wink

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Sgt. Joe · Posted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 4:15 pm Post subject:

The Sergeant wrote another poem:

Sold! To the rich man!

Rich man came and bought his home,
He set it up and riddled it with decor,
And on the fields he lay his workers,
To bring him money for his labour.

Rich man came and took our grain,
He feasted and ate; feasted and ate,
And on the fields he allowed his workers to starve,
To bring him greed for his property state.

Rich man left our lands behind,
His memory remained in our children's hearts,
And on the fields we reknewed the land,
To begin all again from the start.
_________________

He's always on the scene,
Sergeant Joe!
His teeth are bright and clean,
Sergeant Joe!
You cannot ignore,
Joe is the hero next door!

Lancer · Posted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 8:24 pm Post subject:

The hollow

From darkness the shadow is born
It feeds and feasts on those that mourn
Its possessed teeth chew and decay
As it gluttons itself each day

And when there is no sorrow
The hollow looks away from tommorow
And instead turns its teeth onto itself
And cries and condemnes its prisoned hell

For such darkness eclipses the light
And when there is no more the night
Can only swallow its own weary soul
For the hollow, the darkness and the night pay their toll
For all these three are all alone.
_________________
My words will be engraved onto your immortal soul!!!

Lancer · Posted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 8:50 pm Post subject:

The seven deadly sins?

It was Envy first that raised alarm
That Lust and Glutonny
Were laid together thusly
And Wrath, subdued by Lust's charm
Dragged her from Gluttony's arm

So Envy and Wrath began to quarrel
Which would take Lust and make her his own
Lust broke free and so proclaimed
"I am free," she snapped, "You don't own me!"
The statement roused Wrath and in turn he attacked.

Envy knew the battle was lost
He knew that he was doomed to not
Have what he wanted and what he coveted
For it was what otheres owned he madly desired
Gluttony stayed out of the fray, indulging in a different way.

Lust slapped Wrath and Wrath in turn
Hit her across the face as he spurned
Calling her every name known to God
And she just simply laughed it off
He screamed "Why are you greater than me!?"

Lust smiled and stroked her hand
"Dear Wrath, you are not known to every man
Men of peace and men of love...are men
who are out of your reach my dove
But I am what all men and women suppress
Late at night when they undress
The guilt they feel at their naked selves
Are at war with the desire they crave
An insatiable, intemperate manner of thing
To deny leads to perversion, and so fall to my swing,"

With this Wrath lost and took his leave
And passed his friends, Sloth and Greed
"Whats with the noise?" yawned Sloth
"Can't you see Im relaxing. You keep it down,"
Wrath replied, "And why should I keep calm?
Lust caused all of this it is her fault!"
At the mention of Lust, Greed turned his head
"Has she finally chosen her mates bed?
I want it," He madly smiled, "Money, power, respect
and controll. That is my nature I will not hide
I want it all and whats all should be mine!"

Thus another argument ensued
Sloth kept out, he was not amused
Why not just do as you pleased?
Thats all he wanted, well, that and peace
Then came the most deadly of all

Pride stutted in and with his smile
Bewitched the six and ended their quarrel
"I am lord and authority," he spoke
"Any argument must go through me
Of course I will fix any issue
I am, let us not forget, the most deadly of all"

"It was Lust who caused all this and her ways
Which drove the 5 of us into this haze
Of war and anger and strife and hate
We can not exist in this state!" quoted Wrath.
At this Pride just laughed.

"Don't you see?" he pointed at Lust.
"The five of you and she
Were made to be partners in this bigamie
Each of you and each with thee
Cause corruption in all of humanity"
This statement by Pride annoyed Lust.

"And what, may I ask, keeps you separate from us?"
And Pride laughed again, "The six of you
Are like a disease
Which infects and corrupts and sways humanity
But it is I and myself alone
Which tempts humans to choose to fall,"
_________________
My words will be engraved onto your immortal soul!!!

Sgt. Joe · Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 7:23 pm Post subject:

HoHoHoHoHoHo! MERRY CHRISTMAS XD XD

The Sergeant enjoyed reading that 'Lancer' ^__^
_________________

He's always on the scene,
Sergeant Joe!
His teeth are bright and clean,
Sergeant Joe!
You cannot ignore,
Joe is the hero next door!

Lancer · Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 11:13 pm Post subject:

Thats a first sgt joe thanks lol *is unsure and extremely afraid*
_________________
My words will be engraved onto your immortal soul!!!

platypus · Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 3:20 am Post subject:

I hope you were going for Mother Goose meets the 7 Deadly Sins, because that's what I got out of it.
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"Platypus- the other white meat!"
"Nobody's perfect and I'm nobody. Therefore I'm perfect."

WhaleSong~ · Dragoon Joined: 22 Nov 2008 Posts: 1101 Location: Oxford

Amazing improvement there, Lancer Wink

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blacklisted · Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 5:48 pm Post subject:

You lost me on this one. It feels more like a short story than poetry. I was also hoping the ending would sum up the whole story, but it just felt like the poem end was cut off abruptly. Not your best poem, but keep writing.
_________________
FATALITY

Seraphim swordmaster's series, tales of the ocean, watch it.....NOW:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=1-00k-M1m6g

Proof that the burger king is EVIL: http://i73.photobucket.com/albums/i230/skoralee/te1.jpg?t=1189556986

Needs moar Marce

Cudpug · Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 5:51 pm Post subject:

Lancer · Posted: Sat Aug 29, 2009 10:07 am Post subject:

Cleave

There is no time to trully mourn
When one thing dies, another's born
Things in life seem to work this way
And occur each and every day.

School children, teary eyed,
Must give their schoolmates a fond goodbye
As they each leave for different scene
To find new friends, new love or someone mean
There is no telling what is beyond life's corners
Fate is a trickster to his adventurers
But when there is a parting of ways
Even children are open to brand new days.

There is no time to trully mourn
When one thing dies, anothers born
Things in life seem to work this way
And occur each and every day.

Results are in and the future is set
Some have hopes whilst others regret
Yet one thing is certain to stay the same
More goodbyes...it's such a shame
Yet one farewell gives hope for a hello
To new friends it is imperative we go
There is not one single sensation
Though we have one final destination.

There is no time to trully mourn
When one thing dies, anothers born
Things in life seem to work this way
And occur each and every day

There is an ever exchanging number of words
saying hello, goodbye, many more you've heard
Like the word 'cleave' which means to tear asunder
Also meant in ages past to bring togther
We all know that things will change
As they do with situation and age
Often it is unfair at the speed of it all
And human inabilty to stop the fall

There is no time to trully mourn
When one thing dies anothers born
Things in life seem to happen this way
And occur each and every day
But humans cleave together their lives
Whats torn assunder can also unite
And this exchange can stay a while
A balance of hello, goodbye
heath, sickniss, death and life.
_________________
My words will be engraved onto your immortal soul!!!